SHARE THIS

Dealing with people during my life I’ve run into some cRaZy individuals here and there. “Here,” at this point in time, is West Easton.

So, in my attempt to better understand a possibly mentally unstable individual I decided to read some books that dealt with different types of disorders.

One book, The Sociopath Next Door, comes to this conclusion about dealing with a sociopath:

If they live in your neighborhood don’t go over for coffee. In fact, don’t admit to them that you drink coffee, don’t talk to them, and for the love of all that’s holy, don’t ever have a conversation with them. Not even if you’ve found a cure for cancer, created world peace, and alleviated hunger and homelessness. Never, ever, under any circumstances try to make nice with a sociopath.

Tell them you drink coffee and they’ll try to convince people you use a whip on Juan Valdez, screw his wife, and starve his donkey.

You can also not make deals with a sociopath. They are unable to keep any agreement because their lack of a moral compass enables them to break an agreement without guilt. They have no code of honor, as the rest of us do. They can parrot the verbal expressions of empathy, sorrow, remorse, love, and other emotions we use to keep us civil and respectful toward others, but a sociopath is incapable of actually “feeling” that which they can only pretend to possess.

They feel more emotion toward a pet than they do another human being. They are often childless, never married, and never had an intimate relationship that lasted more than two years.

Or so you’ll think after reading Dr. Martha Stout’s book. I tend to agree with Dr. Stout’s advice of never engaging them in conversation. Though, I’d make the exception to testify against them in court, if the need arose.

The Sociopath Next Door is an intriguing look at these devious, twisted people who live a life without a conscience. She describes the sociopath as a person who doesn’t have guilt or remorse, or a sense of acceptable behavior toward others.  To them, a disagreement with them makes you an enemy and they start a campaign of war that they must win at any cost. Even if the cost is their own destruction of the facade of normalcy they spent most of their life trying to present to the general public.  Eventually, they are incapable of seeing themselves as others see them.

They literally have no conscience. Their minds are such that the sociopath is free to run wild  in the world, doing what they like without feeling bad or upset. They don’t lie awake at night, wishing they could take back a nasty remark. They don’t bite their lip and keep from saying nasty things to a clerk at a borough hall, or writing a letter that demonizes innocent victims of a killer, or attacks a victim of domestic abuse. If they say something awful, they’re not going to feel sorry for it. They might feign remorse when forced to because of a monetary spanking by the courts, but they will never truly feel it.

That really seems to be the gist of sociopathy… the total lack of remorse or regard for other people. The DSM-IV criteria – the gold standard for diagnosing mental disorders – Dr. Stout says, lists seven characteristics: failure to conform to social norms, being deceitful and manipulating, being impulsive, being irritable or aggressive, being unconcerned about the safety of the self or anybody else, being consistently irresponsible, and being unconcerned and unremorseful for hurting others through their actions. To be a sociopath, you need to have at least three of the symptoms (and not just because you’re in a bad mood. If you’re not a sociopath, you’ll probably regret it later).

According to Dr. Stout – who is backed up by quite a bit of research – sociopaths make up about 4% of the population. That means, according to my 4th grade education level, if you’re with twenty-four other people, statistically, one of you would be a sociopath. Possibly more, depending on if you are a sociopath that is dependent upon the friendship of other sociopaths. Dr. Stout gives some interesting examples of sociopaths and how destructive they can be. The sociopath doesn’t necessarily become a world leader or an evil CEO. Dr. Stout argues that they can easily be a political hopeful, a noisy neighbor, or really anybody who seeks to wreak some havoc on other people’s lives.

They seem to be bored a lot, which probably explains why they’re so intent on making other people miserable. The drama that’s created by a sociopath trying to take over a community (Dr. Stout mentions a condominium), on the more extreme level, hurt or maim, seems to keep them entertained. Dr. Stout remarks that sociopaths might have an initial charm about them, and a spontaneity that makes them interesting – for awhile.

It is only later when they reveal destructive behavior and the need for revenge on those who expose them (or “betray” them, as they would see it), do independent thinkers and rational people stay away from them.

Not all sociopaths are criminals, but all of them are lacking that conscience that keeps actions and behaviors more or less in check by an underlying compassion for others or simple guilt. The sociopath can be incredibly skilled at drawing those unfamiliar with them into their web, managing to flatter them and make them want to help and be involved, or just to simply trust the sociopath. Followers of sociopaths don’t see what’s coming – at least, many don’t – until it’s too late. Sociopaths are out to get what they want because they don’t have the ability to feel any remorse for the injuries they cause… which means that they’re not sorry to have done it. There is nothing to stop them, since there’s no regard for social norms.

 

While Dr. Stout doesn’t explicitly say what causes sociopathy, she does suggest that it’s a combination of nature and nurture. It’s a bit frightening to think that there’s no real cause — not enough spankings growing up in early childhood, say, or never being refused and becoming the spoiled child has never explained sociopathy development. Sociopaths just seem to crop up, though they occasionally have their uses. They can make excellent soldiers in times of war; people who can kill on the battlefield without feeling guilt after the fact are probably good to have on your side.

Not so good if there is no war, but they still carry a gun in public.

One sociopath can often use another by influencing their judgment in the same way all sociopaths manipulate – flattery. This may be why sociopaths more easily gather in groups with each other, rather than with those who don’t suffer from sociopathy.

Without really understanding what causes a sociopath, there doesn’t seem to be much that can be done to cure it. Can a conscience be instilled in somebody who has never had one? Dr. Stout doesn’t presume to suggest a cure; she admits that there isn’t one, at present.

It’s an interesting book. Dr. Stout also doesn’t try to explain what can be done to cure or treat sociopathy. What she’s done is write a book on how to recognize a sociopath, and how to cope with his or her attempted influence in our lives. The best way, she says, is to avoid them altogether, though it may eventually come down to legal action in which the sociopath is successfully sued for libel, or other violations against a victim they have targeted.

But if you’re unfortunate enough to have one in the family, or living in your town, or work with one, she does suggest some ways to avoid falling prey. The “thirteen rules for dealing with sociopaths in everyday life” are pretty straightforward and easy to understand. Be suspicious of flattery, for example, as it’s used at great lengths by sociopaths. Also, don’t be drawn in by pity, another tool of the sociopath who will use crocodile tears when caught in a lie.

Given Dr. Stout’s experiences with trauma victims, and her knowledgeable approach to the subject, I’d have to give her the benefit of the doubt when it comes to things like this. Reading the book made it pretty clear that they can be incredibly destructive if they aren’t exposed and even more so when they are, but left unchecked.

They can go on full attack when proven to be liars. This certainly seems to be the case with an individual that is frustrated at their own failures. Shortly after exposing one individual as a liar, I have gained what must be a top position on their “enemies list.” I’m told the lies, innuendo, and misrepresentation of facts about me is being generated under the guise of anonymous or fictitious names leaving comments on the Internet.

That said, this is probably not the kind of book you want to read on a public transit system; you’ll start to look at your fellow passengers with some concern. Especially if you count twenty-four of them around you. Because. One of them. Might be. A sociopath.

To purchase The Sociopath Next Door, CLICK HERE.