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After the recent fizzard, in which every weather service got the total snowfall prediction wrong, WFMZ (Channel 69) has found a way to never be wrong again.

We’re now treated to “Probability Forecasts.”

Snow possible? You are now squarely in the drivers seat in determining if you want to empty the local grocery store of milk, eggs, and bread in anticipation of a major snowstorm, or only having a broom ready to remove a dusting.

Rather than actually predict snowfall totals, WFMZ is giving us the probabilities of snowfall totals.

This way, they can never be wrong again. Even if they gave a probability of 1% they can still say they called it correctly and to hedge their predictions even further, I love the use of the “over” (>) and “under” (<) symbols. They cover every possibility from nothing, to snow reaching the rooftops.

I can now call myself a meteorologist.

Giving probabilities is something I can do.

“Chance of heat wave tomorrow <5%

Chance of cold weather tomorrow >95%

I never chastised the meteorologists for getting it wrong earlier this week, but now they are just insulting my intelligence by using probability formulas.

Rather than continuing to go out on that limb, knowing the high probability that they won’t always get it right, they’ve chosen to not climb the tree at all, using a method of predicting the weather that makes them pretty much useless in planning for anything.

What’s next? Probabilities of rain totals and sunshine?

The only satisfaction I get now, from the WFMZ weather broadcasts, is the side profile from the weather ladies, as they show me the maps. It made me realize that I actually did tune in for a real weather forecast.

Probability that I’ll be using an online weather service that shows me a track with snowfall totals predicted? 100%